Again, I can't believe how time has flown by. All the holidays are over. We're in a new year. We've hit the second semester at school. Where does it go?? Well...when you have as much going on in one household as we have the past few months, it's really easy to lose track of the days/weeks!! Sometimes that's a bad thing; sometimes it's a really good thing!
I haven't blogged or told many about the situation with my mom over the past few months. It's embarrassing, overwhelming, and intimidating just to reflect on it. However, I want to write down as brief an explanation as I can just to get it over with. Here goes...
I am the oldest of two daughters born to my mom and dad. My dad was married previously and I have an older half sister from that marriage. She hasn't been in our lives very much but my mom and younger sister have communicated with her over the years. (She and I are VERY different which doesn't make for a very close relationship.) We weren't raised in the Church but were allowed to go to Primary and YW as we wanted. About 33 years ago, I became active and married Bob in the Temple. We've been active ever since. Randie, my younger sister, was not active and married a great guy who is not a member. When they did attend church, it was the Bountiful Community Church which was great. My mom didn't attend church until about 8-9 years ago when some wonderful people fellowshipped her and helped her gain her own testimony. She went through the Temple almost 8 years ago at which time I was sealed to my parents. It was a wonderful blessing in my life!!
In 2003, Randie and her husband divorced. Randie had a really hard time dealing with it and relied heavily on my mom for emotional and financial support. Mom was retired by this time and had little income and enough savings to help her through her problems. However, Mom believed it was what she should do...Moms help their children. (She'd actually been helping Randie financially throughout her marriage but no one really knew how much until later.) Unfortunately, over the years, Randie began to expect the help more and more; even to the point of not working to earn her own way. Three years ago, Randie was evicted from her apartment for non-payment of rent so the only place she could go was to Mom's. At this same time, Mom suffered what appeared to be a stroke. Her doctor told me it was likely she would not live through it so I needed to do what I could to secure her assets (he knew Randie's situation and the desperation of it and wanted to make sure she didn't take advantage of Mom). After meeting with Mom's Bishop, I stepped in as her "financial advisor" to work through things. Because I was joint tenant on her accounts, it was easy for me to gain the information and put the security measures into place. Through this process, I found Randie had been taking advantage of Mom more than I had known. There were loans taken out in Mom's name that Randie was to repay; she didn't. There were online transactions from Mom's account; Mom had no knowledge of how to do these--Randie did. After two months of trying to get everything straightened out and Mom's recovery, she insisted (demanded would be a better term) that I give all responsibility for her financial affairs back to her. Because Randie was living with Mom, she was able to manipulate Mom's thinking to a point where I was considered the "bad guy" for taking care of her finances and Randie was the "good guy" because she was there to "take care" of Mom 24/7. That's what good daughters do, right? That's what Randie brainwashed Mom into believing. Because I refused to watch Randie take Mom down as I knew she would, I told her she could either let me help her protect her savings and money, or I would walk away; I wouldn't stand by and watch it happen. Mom chose to take care of her own affairs. I walked away as did my family because they also knew what Randie was doing.
For the next two and a half years, we had little contact with Mom. Because I was joint tenant and had full rights to her accounts, I could see the activity online. Bob and I approached her several times with concerns regarding activity (online dating services, computer repairs--Mom didn't have a computer, cell phone purchases--Mom didn't have a cell phone, etc.). Mom refused to acknowledge the evidence we presented before her and eventually moved her accounts so I couldn't see what was happening. In October 2010, I received a phone call from Adult Protective Services stating they had received a report from a financial institution regarding "elder financial abuse." They asked what I knew about Mom's situation so I told them everything. After interviewing Mom, they had to drop the report because she refused to acknowledge Randie was doing what everyone had evidence to prove. We all knew it was happening but without Mom's support, there wasn't anything anyone could legally do.
In June 2011, I received another phone call from APS stating there was yet another report filed. This time, they felt strongly we might be able to move forward...Mom had been the one to instigate the call!! She had found her medicare supplemental and prescription insurance, homeowner's insurance, and life insurance policies had all lapsed. She also realized her IRA and savings accounts had been drained as well as her bills had not been paid. With evidence from the financial institution, she realized Randie had been committing "Exploitation of a Vulnerable Adult." The case worker from APS filed a police report and the process started. It took Mom until July 27 to finally come to me to tell me what was going on because she was afraid she would say "I told you so." As we talked, a peace came over me that ultimately, the situation Mom was in was NOT her fault...she'd been the victim of Elder Mental/Emotional Abuse as well as Financial Abuse. I've learned in the past few months, Randie had to make me out to be the evil one so she could accomplish all she did with Mom's accounts. She had to isolate her from anyone, especially me, that could stop her abuse. It's made it a lot easier to deal with Mom personally.They asked what I knew about Mom's situation so I told them everything. After interviewing Mom, they had to drop the report because she refused to acknowledge Randie was doing what everyone had evidence to prove. We all knew it was happening but without Mom's support, there wasn't anything anyone could legally do.
In June 2011, I received another phone call from APS stating there was yet another report filed. This time, they felt strongly we might be able to move forward...Mom had been the one to instigate the call!! She had found her medicare supplemental and prescription insurance, homeowner's insurance, and life insurance policies had all lapsed. She also realized her IRA and savings accounts had been drained as well as her bills had not been paid. With evidence from the financial institution, she realized Randie had been committing "Exploitation of a Vulnerable Adult." The case worker from APS filed a police report and the process started. It took Mom until July 27 to finally come to me to tell me what was going on because she was afraid she would say "I told you so." As we talked, a peace came over me that ultimately, the situation Mom was in was NOT her fault...she'd been the victim of Elder Mental/Emotional Abuse as well as Financial Abuse. I've learned in the past few months, Randie had to make me out to be the evil one so she could accomplish all she did with Mom's accounts. She had to isolate her from anyone, especially me, that could stop her abuse. It's made it a lot easier to deal with Mom personally.
For the past few months, we've worked hard to discover all the damage and try to recover from it. We've also gone through the court process and will have final sentencing on February 15. Needless to say, it's been one of the most devastating things we've had to deal with as we've watched Mom realize what her own daughter has done to her. The blessing is we've got our Mom/Grandma/Great-Grandma back in our lives and are LOVING the relationships we're rebuilding. Hopefully after sentencing, the healing process will begin and we will be able to try to put this all behind us.
On the "upside"...we've been working hard to get ready for Zack and Kenzi's baby to arrive. Her pregnancy has been unbelievably easy...no problems at all!! However, on December 23, she went in for a regular visit and found out the baby had dropped "significantly." The Dr. gave her the shots to help develop his lungs quicker and told her she was on modified bed rest. The following Wednesday, she went in and found she'd dilated to a 2 (what he didn't tell her until the next week was she was 80% effaced!!). We started sewing MUCH faster and moved the shower from January 21 to the 7th. A week later, she was dilated to a 3 and 90%. OH. DEAR!! More sewing faster!!!!!!!!! We had a GREAT turn-out for the shower. Mallorie did a FABULOUS job of planning and carrying out the shower. It was a lot of fun and they cleaned up with getting stuff to be ready for a baby. Last Wednesday, Kenzi was dilated to a solid 3-almost a 4 and 100% effaced. Dr. Johnson said not to cough, sneeze, or go over railroad tracks. When Kenzi's mom asked about a shower they had planned in Brigham City on Saturday, he said to "bring the shower to her." Kenz felt OK so we ended up having a great shower in Brigham. Sunday, they decided to hang out at home and take it easy since she didn't feel very good. Her brother's birthday is the 16th so the whole family met at Texas Roadhouse in Riverdale to celebrate. As they were in the parking lot waiting for everyone to arrive (about 5:00pm), she thought she was having contractions. They were about 18 minutes apart and only lasted 30 seconds or so. By the time they got seated around 7:00, they were coming closer together and were lasting a bit longer. At 7:15, she grabbed her sister-in-law's hand and said, "I think my water just broke." Sure enough...sitting in a booth in the restaurant, it broke. She grabbed Zack's hand and told him...he panicked like any new Dad would. :) They decided to leave the restaurant "just in case" and headed to Layton. Zack called me at 7:20 and told me they were on their way and asked if I'd call the hospital to let them know they were coming. We were at FHE at Grandma Denson's so we announced the great news and headed home. We got to Labor and Delivery about 7:45 and were told she was at a 10 by the time they arrived and was ready to deliver. I called Kenzi's mom and told her to HURRY!!!!!!!!!!! After about three good pushes, Wyatt Zackary Denson was born at 7:58pm weighing 5lbs and 8oz. He's 20" long and looks just like his Daddy!! Long and skinny! :)
Kenzi did a GREAT job "au natural"! Everyone is fine, healthy, and VERY happy!!!
LIFE IS GREAT!!!!!
